Stale Cheetos and Wine

Last night I consumed too much wine. So much for living moderately. My sister and I had some deep conversation seasoned with lunacy. By 12:00 I was in that what can I find to eat after drinking too much mode and promptly found some honey buffalo peanuts, a leftover bag of stale jalapeño Cheetos, and chased them with a German chocolate brownie thing that I had eyed nervously the past three days.

Insert look of disgust here.

Needless to say I didn’t get my bike ride in this morning. Bleh. I’m mad at myself about that. I’m really frustrated, but I know that I’m not perfect and today is a new day. Riding is up for debate considering it takes me a couple of hours and I’m not sure about asking my sister and her family to watch the kids while I go ride for two stinking hours. The reason I had it planned for 0600.

BAH. Live and learn. I do know this, there will be no wine consumed tonight! I’m not really hung over, so to speak. I feel pretty good and I can honestly say I didn’t have a whole bottle of wine, maybe fourish glasses, that’s two, too many if you plan to get up and ride in a strange town the next day. If I don’t ride today I will be up and riding at 0600 tomorrow morning. The smell of my teen nephews socks alone was enough to cure any would be hangover, they’re like organic smelling salts. Maybe smelling salts are organic but either way, wow. I sat down next to them on the couch this morning and immediately knew something was rotten in Denmark. I located the culprit laying on the floor in an inconspicuous mass of noxious gas.  They are currently being stored in an airtight container on the floor of the laundry room.

Gotta run, I’m taking the kids to Sun and Fun today and I should probably feed them first. Have a good day.

Oklahoma where the wind comes sweepin’ down the plain!

I am in Oklahoma this week, decided to hang out here after coming down Sunday night to watch my sister and my Dad go skydiving Monday. It was always her dream to go with him and for his sixtieth birthday she made it happen. I was really proud of both of them, and they had a great time.

When I decided to come here I had mixed emotions. Taking any kind of trip away from home makes me a little nervous these days. I have a routine at home, my job is to eat right, exercise, take care of the kids, and hopefully get a few loads of laundry done and cook a few meals. Leaving that umbrella of security I worry that I won’t be able to stay on plan. Luckily, my sister is doing Body by Vi so she’s also in the zone which is extremely helpful to me. I also know that this is good practice for me, life will always go on, and vacations and getaways can’t always be an excuse to go off on a self-depreciating food binge…doesn’t make sense anymore.

Why it ever made sense is a conundrum. The worst part of food addiction is that it’s unrelenting. The biblical terms that come to mind are, “a continual lust for more.” Ephesians 4:19
That’s one of the reasons I don’t want to even dip my foot in the waters of chips and chocolate, I know that kind of food does not nourish. I am still very much aware that I am not out of the water, I am going to have to keep sharp, eyes open, head in the game.

My goal is threefold and I have made it to the first milestone. I weigh about two hundred and nineteen pounds. I weighed two hundred and fifty-eight pounds this time last year. That’s almost forty pounds, and I am very proud of how far I’ve come. I would like to lose sixty more, I have two goal dates, August and November, I am running a 5k in July and I am biking regularly. I am excited and scared at the same time, but I am taking it one day at a time.

Since I’ve been here I’ve ran, and I’ve cycled. I set out and biked seventeen miles of uncharted Ponca City terrain Monday, it was awesome, I can’t wait to do it again tomorrow. I rode the new Dolce Compact Sport and it was so much better than the hybrid. I rode past some amazing homes, they had to be at least a half a million dollars, but remember this is Oklahoma, and you better believe there was a pick-up truck parked at every one of them, cracked me up.

So the rest of this week has lots of fun in the sun in store, movie nights with my sis, a glass or three of wine, and lots of reflection. There are no piles of laundry taunting me, no floors that need mopping and no weeds staring up at me begging to be pulled, well at least not any that are on my property, haha, my sister does’t read this.

Have a great week everyone, get out there and sweat a little, eat a few veggies, and start loving yourself, you deserve it.

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Really??

I honestly can’t believe I just did that, referring to my last post that is. Posting pictures of myself in attire I wouldn’t even wear in my yard whilst gardening and uploading them to the inernet is either really courageous or assine. I don’t honestly know what to make of it other than maybe I’ve grown a pair and am starting to become the person I really want to be, and that means authenticity. If this is a tool I use in order to get the life I deserve, so be it. But I still think it’s bat shit crazy.

Reminds me of the SNL skit where Seth Meyers pauses, flashes my before and after and looks straight at me, “Really? Really? No, Ro, really?”

Ah well, what’s done is done. It helps a little that I don’t publicize this on my FB feed. As in, my close aquaintances don’t see this…hopefully. I started this really anonymously, at first it was private, then I let a few close friends and family memebers know about it. Then I just decided to get all hardcore about it and make it public.

Right now I am in our van waiting on the fam to “empty their bladders,” as hubs referred to it when talking to the children. He makes me laugh. The dog is sitting on my lap and we are heading to Oklahoma. The Dolce is in the back and I can’t wait to get up early and ride some Oklahoma roads.

I’m spending the week with my sister and looking forward to it. Not looking forward to this ride but maybe I can catch a nap. I haven’t eaten dinner and there is an evil McDonalds across the street starring me down like a cowboy with a loaded gun. Can you hear the showdown music playing…to be continued…

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One of these things is not like the other…

Quick update before I go to bed. Kids got out for summer this week, that’s been fun so far. I have had a serious case of the blah’s this week. Trying to stay on path and keep strong but for some reason I’ve been in a funk. Lots going on in my family now. I have a bit on my mind, one of my children is going through a lot and I’m thinking of her often. Still waiting for my bike…which has me kind of antsy, and sassy, and snarky.

I just decided to become a beach body coach. Sounds a little suspect right? I am about 220 lb and don’t look like your average beachbody coach. But in my defense I have to point out a few things:

  1. Last year at this time I weighed 258 lb, more than I have ever weighed, ever.
  2.  I’ve worked hard since Feb 28 to set goals and attain them.
  3. I’m educating myself about what is healthy food and what isn’t.
  4. I’m using Shakeology as a supplement and meal replacement system.

People ask me all the time about Shakeology and Insanity. My trainer who got me started on all this talked to me about becoming a distributor and persuaded me. Why not tell people and possibly make a little money for my own shakes in the future. Lots of people are going to buy it anyway, so why not? Now, here is where the rubber meets the road, I can’t stop now. I am taking this accountability thing to the ninth degree, and that’s a good thing. I don’t want to give up, but I will admit I am at a bit of an impasse and I need to get serious again to continue losing. My body is getting comfortable and it’s time to push through. I will probably start P90x when I get back from Oklahoma next week and continue to train for the 5K Glow Run in KC in June.

Ready for my progress thus far?

I can definitely tell a difference, what about you? I can’t wait to post my summer goal pics. I sure hope I make it! I am really excited and proud of myself for doing the thing I always thought was impossible. I know that I deserve it now, that’s the difference. I also know that if others can do it, so can I!

Goodnight.

First Group Ride

Bike ride synopsis:

  • What the hell was I thinking?
  • There were thirty or more people on the ride and I didn’t see one hybrid.
  • The owner of The Wheel Cyclery kicks ass, she stayed with me almost all of the time.
  • I was at the back of the pack the entire ride.
  • Did I mention the hills? 
  • Felt like a total NEWB.
  • Projectile Vomiting when I came home due to; not eating enough earlier, running earlier in the day, and it was hard as hill. 
  •  CAN’T WAIT TO DO IT AGAIN…with my road bike which will be ready this week:)

Twenty-two miles in all, it was tough but I really want to do this again and get good at it. I really cannot wait to get my road bike and see how different it feels. The owner of the shop was awesome, she was so welcoming and encouraging. Every time we did some gruesome hill she would say, “That’s the last big one of the day!” I think she did this so I wouldn’t quit, I stopped believing her towards the end.  I am sure they were easy for her, she rides to and from work every day, and then is a group leader on these community rides. I kind of wish I had bought my bike at her shop, but the guys from Epic were totally cool. I think I will check her out though for my shoes and pedals. Being clipped in seemed to help many of the riders push harder. 

Oh yeah, I weighed this morning and I am down two more lbs. I need to post some before and after pics on here, I will try to get to that this week. I remember posting on here about being almost one hundred pounds overweight. It’s feels really good to not be there anymore. I would like to lose sixty more, I am enjoying this new lifestyle, I love eating to live and not stuffing my emotions. I love sweating. I love that I can fit everything in my closet, no more skinny clothes that I look at with regret. I love that I just realized that lots of them don’t fit, they are TOO big! Kick ass. 

Have a wonderful day. 

I am Stuck on Band-Aids…

Good morning! Today I will find my mojo, it’s amazing how a little getaway and slacking on nutrition can set you back. I didn’t gain a bunch of weight but I haven’t lost any more. After my bike accident last Wednesday night I was disheartened. I had planned to ride about sixteen miles and only made it about ten and a half, I had to call hubs because my knee was numb and I was bleeding a lot. It didn’t really start hurting until about thirty minutes later, and then it was incredibly painful. I am not sure if you can tell from the picture but the most damage was right below my knee, really gouged out, and cleaning the dirt and gravel out of it was…exciting in a very macabre way. I must admit I am actually kinda proud of it. Not the injury itself, per say, but that I didn’t let it stop me. I ran on it the next day, and today I will ride my bike again, assuming it still works, the bike not my knee. I haven’t really inventoried the damage so I might be sorely disappointed tonight, pun intended.

Tonight is my first ride with a group. I am meeting up with a group at The Wheel Cyclery in Gladstone to ride an 18-22 mile relaxed ride to the downtown airport. I have purchased a new Specialized Road bike, it will be ready sometime later this week. They had to order it for me, check it out——————>

It’s a Dolce Sport compact. I am really excited about it. We ordered it from Epic Bike and Sport in Kansas City, Mo. The guys there are awesome and very helpful, glad I talked to my friend Mendy from Fit by Burn for recommendations. Speaking of Mendy Shriver, she opened her new studio for Fit by Burn in Liberty recently, they had an open house on Saturday. You should check out her link if you live near Liberty, if anyone can light a candle under yo a$$, it’s her.

As for my ride tonight, I am pretty nervous. Here’s why:

  1. My bike and the hope that it works.
  2. My knee.
  3. Being a total Newb.
  4. If you happen to be a newb, don’t read this—> How To Dress PRO

Reading that article was somewhat daunting. I cannot compare myself to these people who are avid and experienced. I can’t for the life of me figure out why I do that to myself. I think lots of people do that to themselves, ok maybe not my husband, I can actually hear him lecturing me now about comparing myself to these pro’s. Stephan, if you are reading this, consider it done. I have the lecture on my hard drive. Thanks. 

I guess that’s what the day has in store for me. I will leave you with some great uplifting music to work out to. If you like Rap but are not into bi#c%e$, hoe’s, money, and drugs, Lecrae fits the bill. He has a brand new mix tape out, called Church Clothes that’s pretty good. Down load it here, FREE. Have a Blessed Day!

Three Blondes and Yarmulke

 

Good morning. I have to admit I started a blog entry late one night after a few glasses of wine in Atlanta, it never got published. I have this thing about posting from my phone, I hate it. I never feel like I can really proof-read and get a feel for it that way. I looked back to see what exactly I was writing about and couldn’t even find it so there’s that. I know one of the predominating themes was about exercise. I worked out on the bike before I left Thursday, then went to the hotel gym on Friday, I came back to my room and got ready and I realized something, I wasn’t overly proud of myself for working out. Now this could be a good thing or it could be a bad thing, for me, it was good.

Up until that point I always felt overly accomplished after a workout, a yay me attitude. Why? Because it was outside of my normal. Friday, after getting up at the crack of dawn the day of the trip, then going to the hotel gym that morning, it began to feel like my new normal. Not having to pat myself on the back, and feeling like it was a normal part of the day is a major milestone in my life. Exercise is becoming my new normal. I love that.

Atlanta was amazing. We saw some great friends of ours from Pen-der-grass. I have to say it that way because it’s the only way I know how to pronounce it right. Otherwise, I get it all mucked up. They live in my dream home, they are kindred spirits, they are Jeff and Joanna Daar. We went to a restaurant called Two Urban Licks. It’s in a warehouse, off the beaten path, hard to find, edgy with a cool vibe but the burger was just ok. Hubs and I shared, but I had a bit of the bistro steak the Darrs were eating and…that was a proper friggin’ meal. When the dessert menu came I was less than impressed and we had developed a good rapport with our server at this point so I asked her, “Ok, nothing against your dessert  here, but where can we get some amazing dessert and drinks?” She came back after pow-wowing with a friend and told us about, The Chocolate Bar. We rolled to Decatur and I promptly ordered the signature martini called, The Chocolate Bar, and let’s just say it is an experience I won’t soon forget, pure chocolate ecstasy. Later that night we headed to little five points to a place called Dad’s Garage. It was an improv theater that had us rolling at the end with a rendition of my friend Joanna’s life and me as her roommate. Good times.

I got to spend the next few days with my girlfriend Nina as she readied for her big day. It was so much fun and she is a crack up! My favorite part was the day before the wedding were getting nails done and she looks at me with panic in her eyes and says, “I FORGOT TO PICK UP MY DRESS!” Luckily they were open the next morning so it worked out fine, but I just wished I lived closer. I would have loved to help her with all the little details. They had a beautiful wedding, she looked gorgeous and even though I couldn’t be her BFF and had to make room for the groom that night, I was able to really get to know some of her Atlanta people. One of my very favorites was Pierce, words can’t describe how much fun we had, he will forever be a friend! He is her hairdresser, by the way, and a damn good one at that. I also got to meet two of her friends from childhood that I had heard so many stories about and it was cool to sit in the hotel lounge at two am, sharing french fries and talking with them about her.

I almost forgot the best part, we tried to find a club to dance at but the club down the street at the W was…not as we expected. Big club, the entrance was pretty fabulous, long candle lit hallway, music, then a large fabulous elevator, then another long hallway, and finally the entrance. It reminded me of The Tower of Terror ride at Disney. Once we actually go in the club we quickly realized there was no dance floor. Just lot’s of twenty-somethings, getting their drink on and dancing on leather sofa’s. The  mere fact that I use words like sofa disqualified me from being there. We left about as quickly as we arrived save five minutes on the balcony where we huddled together and tried to look cool. Back at the Hyatt we heard music coming from a ballroom, good music, then we saw dancing, oh yeah, another wedding! It was my first time crashing a wedding and if you’ve never done it let me tell you, thrilling! But three blondes don’t mix in real well at a Jewish wedding, noted after dancing for a while and seeing the yarmulkes here and there and then finally the chuppah, a canopy under which a Jewish couple stand during their wedding ceremony. After a quick stop at the open bar we made a hasty exit but not before one of Nina’s childhood friends called me an obscenity usually reserved for wimpy men, for not stealing getting her some french fries from the french fry bar. She’s the same girl that tripped on the same step leaving as she did coming in. I didn’t take it personally. We got her some fries in the lobby, she was fine. The next day, once word had gotten out, Nina’s mother-in-law said she received and invite from that family when they met at the hotel, and if we had explained who we were it would have been fine, I didn’t feel so bad after that but it kind of took the fun out of it. Grin.

All in all it was the best little holiday ever, I keep reliving moments in my head. I have more to write but a friend is expecting me for breakfast. More on the bloody nasty mess of a knee I have after my bike wreck Wednesday. Can’t wait to get back out there!

 

Haters gonna hate…

Atlanta bound, we’re on the plane, made it through with my lip gloss so I’m good. Got up this morning and biked the country hills east of our subdivision. Made it up a hill I’ve never been able to make it up before. Felt pretty darn good. Got to the top of the hill and saw the most amazing sunrise waiting for me.

Can’t wait to see my friends and watch my bestie get married to an awesome guy. Really looking forward to this trip and some much needed relaxation. Think I’m gonna start right now…

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Food Toxicity

The morning is calling me. Every day I get up earlier and earlier to exercise and watch the sunrise. After being locked in my basement for two plus months with Shaun T and Insanity, working out in nature feels like…heaven. It’s one amazing high for me.

I started the couch to 5k Monday, it’s hard for me to go at that pace after Insanity, I feel like I could push myself more, but I’m choosing to trust the process and let my body adapt which is a big step for me. On my off days I am riding my bicycle, yesterday I rode fourteen miles in the country, it was amazing. I never realized how much I love being outdoors in nature.

I’ve blogged in the past about the voice in my head, the negative, pessimistic, self-defeating voice that I’ve worked hard to overcome. I reaffirm myself each time a negative thought or cynical attitude creeps in, I read positive literature, I search for others success stories, I work at changing that voice. The other day while riding my bike up a hill and pushing myself as hard as I could I heard another voice, had a new thought, however you describe it here is what it said, Don’t ever stop, keep going, you can do this. I knew it wasn’t just about that hill, it was about everything, this journey, this life, this pursuit of health and peace.

I have also posted before about having difficulty accepting the loss of foods major role in my life, the comforter. Being unable to run to the nearest baked good  has admittedly been anxiety provoking, but I can say with one hundred percent certainty that its pull is lessening in my life. I can imagine a happy, peaceful existence without living for the next bite. I’ve made it almost ten weeks this way and honestly, life feels clearer, more in focus than it ever has before. I am not on a diet, I loathe the word.

This goal for me has been three-fold, physical, spiritual, and scientific.

  1. Physical because I need to move, I need to sweat to get myself feeling again. I’ve numbed up so much that the exercise is life-giving at this point, let alone  the health benefits. I aim for an 80/20 eating style. Eighty percent of the time chose healthy foods to keep the body functioning. Healthy foods like greek yogurt, protein from organic meats and dairy, vegetables, and fruit. I try to drink shakeology for one meal because it is so good for me. I ingest less carbohydrates in the latter part of the day and try to go to bed wanting a little something, very difficult for someone who put the kids to bed and had ice cream every night, as a rule. I am still working on making breakfast the bigger meal and decreasing as I go.
  2. Spiritual because one does not get to being one hundred pounds overweight without acknowledging there is something deeper at going on. I did not get there by simply making a few bad food choices, I got there because of self-abuse, self-loathing, and food dependance. I had a severe case of food toxicity. I write to explore theses issues, I see a therapist to help me process anxiety and find it’s root, I pray to seek guidance on the journey and I reaffirm myself for encouragement. Surrounding yourself with positive people doesn’t hurt either. I believe that to lose weight and battle food toxicity, one must look deeper while seeking betterment. Without that process, the weight will most certainly come back, something I simply can’t allow to happen.
  3. The Scientific really goes along with physical but it’s part of the equation I am choosing to separate. Simple science makes it easy to shed pounds, if you work the process. And one cannot work the process unless there is determination, drive, and courage. Much of this in my life comes from number two. The process, calories in vs calories burned, glycemic index and blood sugar levels, hunger and fullness. The basic principal of hunger and fullness alone are enough to shed some weight. But finding the place where your body is hungry and cessation of eating with satiety are quite the extreme art for someone who has used food as a drug for most of their lives. Anyone can maintain a healthy weight by simply eating by the bodies cues of hunger and fullness, no matter how healthy the food is. Which is why you have people like my sister in law who will be a size three into her old age because she only eats by this rule, and she eats whatever she wants. Not a reason to stop choosing healthier options, just an observation. I will point out though that you can find her snaking on healthy foods as often as you see her having a cookie, because she lets her body be her guide and enjoys all foods.

I’ve had so many thoughts I’ve wanted to share but this has been an extremely busy week and I didn’t get to update as much as I wanted. I am going to have to update a bit more from my phone. My husband and I are leaving for Atlanta on Thursday morning for my best friends wedding, *goal box numero uno to the right. So where am I at on the goal you you ask? This morning I am two hundred twenty two pounds. Two pounds from the goal. We will be eating eat as soon as we get there and the celebration continues until Sunday morning at a Mother’s Day Brunch at the hotel we will be staying at, needless to say, continued loss may be difficult. I am determined to make the goal though, so we will see.

I’ll leave you with a bit of encouragement from a former paratrooper in the gulf war. Thanks for all of you who read this, and feel free to comment. Godspeed.

CLICK HERE FOR REDICUlLOUS INSPIRATION—-> Never, Ever Give Up. 

Mo’nin

Woke up this morning and had some difficulty walking. A twelve-mile bike ride may have been a little much to start with. My backside, derriere, booty, or butt, whatever you call it, is extremely sore. I walked like a little old woman to the bathroom when I woke up this morning. Sigh, it was worth the price I’m paying in arrears. instant rimshot

Not sure yet what exercise I’ll do today…

Here’s an interesting tidbit I’ll share with you. I weigh less than I have in at least the last five years or so. I should (there I go already shouldding all over myself) be proud of my accomplishment. I am, until I remember a time when my current weight was atrocious. I’ve thought a lot about this and I know that the antidote is to continue to fight against that negative, self-defeating voice in my head. I do this by reaffirming myself, often.

Well I guess I should help the kid’s get ready for school. Busy day ahead, the laundry and bathrooms are calling my name. Have a great day.