Do or Die

Hello world. Isn’t that the first post of every blog. Well it seems like forever since I’ve posted so hello again.

Let’s get down to brass tacks…the nitty gritty…the low down dirdee heart of the matter. I haven’t lost any weight in probably three weeks. There’s that. I also haven’t gained, not really. I weigh about three pounds more that my lowest weight but it’s nothing of significance. Could be water or maybe I did gain a few pounds back but what matters to me is that I haven’t binged. I haven’t followed a superb diet plan, in fact I’ve eaten some junk. But the junks been interspersed with good old fashioned healthy and I chose small and leave food behind.

I have a second goal to meet by mid August. I need to get busy and serious, it’s just that I’ve been in this lingering funk and it’s do or die time for me. I’m thirty-eight years old and so thankful for this life, this opportunity to grow and make choices and live and love. It’s the pain I didn’t count on, the pain of life that can immobilize me and send me spiraling. It hasn’t yet, but I feel it’s presence looming over me and quiet whisper in my heart to do…or die.

It’s during this time when I am so weak that it’s most important for me to love myself, to work hard, to focus. I have an adult child that is taking a very different path than I dreamt for her. My faith is weak. I must let her go, give up control, not judge and pray without ceasing. In the end, life is life and she will go the way she chooses but I will always pray. She texted me for the first time in almost two months yesterday. I will take the little blessings and hold them tight.

I’m riding tonight. Hoping I won’t be in the back of the pack the entire time again but if I am so be it. At least I’m riding. Looking forward to getting back in the groove this week. Summer feels like its in full swing and the kids are keeping me busy.

Have a great day.

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