Well Blah. Yes, that’s my current state of mind…and I can’t put my finger on why. A friend of mine made a comment a few weeks ago that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. I was kind of bummed when we were talking, said I felt like I was in a funk over a few things, and she said, “Why are you feeling that way, you just lost thirty pounds, you should be on top of the world!” My friend also has a lot of weight to lose.
It’s becoming painfully obvious that ones weight does not necessarily equal ones happiness. I mean, I was always depressed-ish at two hundred fifty-eight pounds. There wasn’t a lot in life that was fun because I was constantly self-conscious. But, when I was with true friends and family I still enjoyed myself, especially when carbohydrates were involved. But just because I have lost some weight doesn’t necessarily mean life is an instant bowl of cherries. Happiness is peace in your heart, that peace leads to less self-abuse and decreased self-doubt. I am still a food addict, but the pull is less and less every day.
I read another girls blog about weight loss, actually I read a few. She is obsessive over the food she eats, what she weighs, and nothing is ever quite good enough. I would never write this on her blog, but I expect she’ll gain her weight back, because she’s not happy with who she is at her core, and she expects the weight loss to cure everything. I wish I knew her well enough to tell her so. She reminds me of myself at a young age. It wasn’t until I gave up dieting and started look up and in, that I found the strength to do this. It’s about so much more than the food and the day-to-day calorie requirements.
I ran the couch to 5K tonight. I am on week six and it’s getting pretty tough. It was also very hot out tonight which added to my lack of excitement. I have to really be on it now, I am officially signing up for a triathlon sprint called the Matt Mason in Smithville Missouri. I think I am good on the bike, but I need to really focus on the run and the swim. I will be taking a swim class specifically for people looking to improve for a triathlon. Scary thought. I am out of my mind. It seems very apropos that I have the song, Over my Head by The Fray on my playlist now. My playlist is another curious subject. If you saw it you would probably laugh at the eclectic myriad of musical treats. Especially the Black Eyed Peas song, My Humps, that’s one the whole family can enjoy! I know what you’re thinking, she’s such an intellectual. The song is mindless, but it has a great beat, and the funniest thing about it is the monkey business piano interlude at the end of the song. I guess I never really realized it was there, it’s as if they are making amends with the listener for having had to endure Fergie singing about her humps in the first place. I guess I can appreciate that, thank you Will.I.Am, thank you.
Here is my current playlist for your reading pleasure:
40 Deep (feat. Tedashii & Trip Lee)
Under The Bridge 4:24 Red Hot Chili Peppers
Under Pressure 3:57 Queen Classic Queen
Thriller 5:57 Michael Jackson Thriller
Spazz (Prod by Charlie Heat Sarah J) (DatPiff Exclusive) 3:24 Lecrae Church Clothes
Robot 3:34 Trip Lee The Good Life
Pump Up the Volume (USA 12″ Mix) 6:47 Colourbox Best of Colourbox
Paul Revere 3:41 Beastie Boys Licensed to Ill
Oye Como Va 4:18 Santana The Best of Carlos Santana
Over My Head (Cable Car) 3:55 The Fray
No Sleep Till Brooklyn 4:07 Beastie Boys Licensed to Ill
My Humps 5:27 Black Eyed Peas Monkey Business
Make It Bun Dem 3:34 Skrillex & Damian
Lose Yourself 5:20 Eminem 8 Mile
Lose Control (Featuring Ciara & Fat Man Scoop) 3:47Missy Elliot featuring Ciara & Fat Man Scoop
Get Ur Freak On 3:57 Missy Elliott Miss E…So Addictive
Feel Good Inc. 3:41 Gorillaz Demon Days
Church Clothes (Prod by Wit) (DatPiff Exclusive) 2:24 Lecrae Church Clothes
Brain Damage 3:46 Pink Floyd A Foot In the Door – The Best of Pink Floyd
Bohemian Rhapsody 5:58 Queen
Best of You 4:16 Foo Fighters In Your Honor
APB ft Thi’sl (Prod by Charlie Heat Sarah J) (DatPiff Exclusive) 3:32 Lecrae Church Clothes
Another Brick In the Wall, Pt. 2 3:49 Pink Floyd A Foot In the Door – The Best of Pink Floyd
I am seriously considering removing Thriller, it hasn’t really done anything for me on my runs, as well as Feel Good Inc. I have a feeling I am going to be changing this list up a lot. I get bored so easy. Right now though, my favs are bold.
I had a funny thought the other day. What If my thirty-eighth year I practice triathlon sprints, then my thirty-ninth year I do an Olympic triathlon, and as the ultimate way to ring in forty, I try the Iron Man.
I leave you with that and the fact that as I was doing my sixth week of the couch to 5k today, I remembered that thought, and left it in a ditch somewhere. Oh yeah, and I weighed in at 217 this weekend. Goodnight.