seasons

Sitting here at my desk I feel the weight of the wet winters day. The wind is up, and the naked trees look fragile as they bend in it. I hear the screeches and yearnings of a train in the distance, and finally it’s whistling down some old railroad.

Today I am contemplating life. My daughter, my baby, is eloping. She’s twenty years old today, and she will be a married women by nightfall. Today I look back at my life, the life of my mother and grandmother and listen to my ancestors before them, they tell me to rest. Nothing is happening that hasn’t happened before, nothing can come that will separate the bonds we share. Process and proverbs, we all rise and fall to the beats God put in our hearts thousands of years ago.

My wish for her today is simple, that she learn to rest in this life. It seems today I am finding it so much simpler than I once had. There are big problems and small problems, but in reality, they are all but little moments in which we can practice surrender.

I am surrendering today. Like the naked tree in the winters wind I will lean into it, not looking graceful at times, not caring, my roots are firm. I know that spring is coming, and winter again. There is nothing new under the sun.

I am resting in the blissful idea that life will happen just as it should, and I will learn from it just as I should. In the spring and summer, fall and winter, there will bountiful blessings and sorrows alike, and I will soak in every second of this amazing gift called LIFE.

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Happy happy happy

New year that is, my husbands new favorite obsession is Duck Dynasty and everytime I think of the word happy I think about that show, and my husbands chirping around the house, “Happy, happy, happy…”

I read a Christmas card from a friend recently who told me I should keep this blog going, and he’s right, I should, I’ve missed it.

So about doing life, I am, or rather, it’s doing me. Life has a way of taking you by surprise and just when you think you are in control of things, BOOM, you realize your actually in the trunk of life’s Ford Fiesta, well hatchback, and your hanging on and wishing Life would put down the can of Schlitz and pull over at the next bus stop so you can get out.

That made no sense at all, but yet, it did. I’ve had an interesting year, arguably one of the most interesting I’ve had in awhile. On February 28th last year, I decided to tackle weight loss. That summer I ran my first 5k and then did my first triathlon. Later I found out that I was going to be a grandma, and then a big job change, Thanksgiving, a hospitalization, Christmas and all the yummy goodness that it brings. January 1 I had some decisions to make, up 20 lbs from my lowest weight, 30 to go to get back to that dreadful place I once was.

Bottom line? I am learning to love myself more each day, learning that I need grace just as much as the underdog I am always defending, hrm, is that irony? I’ve never really understood irony.
I feel best when my stomach is empty but my heart is full. Don’t misinterpret that.

Today was easier than yesterday.
It’s not about a number, ever.
Feeling good is a place I choose to go.
By body responds to less carbohydrates.
I can’t wait for spring when I reunite with my bike.
Exercise is my prescription for feeling good, not weight loss, but they work together.
I am the same girl at any weight. I am still loving, and passionate, and worthwhile.

Just some randomness to begin 2013, have a blessed day.