The Dream Crusher & The Latin Rock Band that Made it all Better

Lots on my mind tonight. First of all I have to confess something. I made cookies yesterday, just enough for the kids and thier friends to each have one of my homeade buckaroos. It’s my grandmother’s recipe, cocnut, chocolate chips, oatmeal, and I add some coarsely chopped almonds, yum. There was one that happened to be left over, I tried to get my friend to eat it and she declined. So there it sat, all day log, alone, on the cold glass stovetop.

Later, I came home from dinner and a movie with my family, and there it sat, still alone, rejected… scrumptious. So I took it, into my hand and gave it a home, in my tummy, with all the other bad food from the night. Later, I invited acai dark chocolate berries to the party. It wasn’t a good feeling, to go to bed full. I am getting used to going to bed hungryish. Breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a pauper. I am still having trouble with the big breakfast thing. I would rather do meals this way; price, king, pauper.

I went on a ride to the community center tonight, ready to swim some laps and ride home. My brick workout, where you stack two types of exercises from the tri. Being the newb that I am I forgot a lock for my bike and the silver headed rule follower working the front desk was under no circumstances going to let me bring my bike in. I all but begged, but no, said she didn’t want to be yelled at being new and all. That, and I suspect it gave her great pleasure to crush my dreams. Why do some people roll like that? I pictured her later that night eating her pot pie watching wheel of fortune feeling quite satisfied with herself, as if she’d done some great favor to the universe.

I ended up riding twenty miles and loving it! Tomorrow I will try to swim and run, but the best part about tonight was my new clip-less pedals and shoes. It felt a little like wearing tap shoes and bike riding but it was great! I don’t know if it was the coffee, or the shakeology I mixed with it, or maybe even the shoes but my ride was phenom. The hills were cake, I had no problems with them. I’ve been told that the shoes would help on hills and they must have, it was an entire different riding experience. Kudos to they guys at Epic bike and sport in near Parkville, Mo. Those guys are certifiably the best crew and bike shop I’ve been in so far. Which is why I pass two other bike shops and go all the way over there from Liberty to shop them. Service, it still works.

So I rode and rode and could have ridden another ten easily. I made myself go home because it was getting dark. Oye Como Va, the Santana rendition not the Tito Puente version, is now my official last song of the ride, it’s perfect. I’ve fallen in love with cycling.

Saint Paul

Wow, tonight was a hard ride. Made it to the downtown airport in mid pack and by the ride home I was at the back, thank God for a nice little man named Paul that wouldn’t drop me. I’m sure he was at least sixty. At one point, I was climbing what one guy referred to as, a short but steep little bastard,  Paul could tell I was struggling, he stayed right by me and said, “It only gets better from here, you have the best year of your life ahead of you,” in a hushed tone. I couldn’t believe my ears, I didn’t even know this guy and he was speaking life into me as I climbed that very nasty hill. I wanted to cry, I wanted to get off the bike, I wanted to stop, but then Paul told me exactly what I have thought in my heart for the past few months. I have the best year of my life ahead of me…keep pushing. 

I wanted to ask him to repeat what he just said, I wanted to make sure he said it, I could barely make out his words. It’s funny because he didn’t talk much, but when he did he made it count.

I made it, it was hot, I was miserable and I had a vibe for how the ride was going to go before I left. This was the first time I wasn’t super pumped to go. I am glad I did, I am glad I continued and didn’t call my husband to come and fetch me from the side of the road somewhere in downtown KC. I told Paul at the end of the ride, I know that if I just keep on doing this it will get a little easier every time. He said that was a true statement. And here’s the best part, I didn’t puke tonight.

I am officially starting a 30 Day Challenge! If you want to join me in this quest and want to try a month of Shakeology to supplement your nutrition please contact me! I want to do this with a group of people and see what we can do when we join forces, get accountable, and encourage each other. Near or far LETS DO THIS! Click here to read all about Shakeology!

It’s not the magic pill, shaking that is. But it is a healthy way to help curb cravings and get the needed vitamins, minerals, and essential amino acids your body needs and deserves, and it’s all natural, let me say that again, all natural. No artificial anything. That’s what I love.

Here is the magic pill, I am about to tell you what has worked for me over the past 3.5 months. I got motivated, encouraged, accountable, and stopped feeling sorry for myself. I watched you tube after you tube videos about people losing weight. I got out of my way and decided it was time and I was worth it. And by the grace of God I will continue to walk, run, and bike this journey, because I know I can.

These Gloves $uck!

I went on my second group ride tonight, I think it was around twenty-two, twenty-three miles. It was good, I wasn’t at the very back of the pack and worked hard to stay with some guys in the middle. I did pretty good on the way but on the way back there are so many hills and they finally had left my @$$. Which is fine, I didn’t expect them to wait for me, that’s annoying, but I did get lost and have to ask some woman in suburbia land for directions. As luck would have it I was only about two blocks from the rendezvous point.

I did not puke tonight, probably due to the energy bars I ate just before the ride and no extra exercise today. It was also a night and day difference between the hybrid and the road bike. The road bike is so smooth. My only regret about biking thus far is that I didn’t start sooner, I hate that I have missed this for so long. What I love about biking is that I rode tonight with twenty-somethings and sixty-somethings, and it was a work out for all. It’s really my exercise of choice, and quickly becoming a favorite pastime as well.

As I drove home tonight I rolled down the windows, ok not literally but I don’t think that expression will ever die, but I noticed how beautiful it was and I felt recovered and had to talk myself out of getting on the bike again when I got home. I think I’ve found my new vice. And in the words of Martha Stewart, it’s a good thing. 

I’ll leave you with a little newbie humor. On my first ride I got to try out my new biking gloves, red, white and black, like my bike. I sported those babies and felt like the enthusiast. The next few rides I was in Oklahoma and I continued to wear them, but much to my chagrin my hands continued to go numb. I kept having to shake them out and not only was it perplexing, but irritating. Irritating because I paid thirty-five bucks for a pair of gloves that weren’t doing $hit for me. Then I started to check them on the side of the road, I thought to myself; self, why did they make these gloves with all the padding on the anterior surface, one would think the padding would best serve a rider on the palmar surface to ease the pressure?  Then it dawned on me…maybe, I have them on back wards. I peeled them off and flipped them over and traded hands and voilà! You can imagine my embarrassment but then I realized there was no one there to witness my cycling faux pas…smile…except the thirty or so riders at my first group ride, some of whom (insert sarcasm) are a schosh above novice. Hardy, Har, Har. 

Schosh: adj. meaning a tiny bit. (Brought to you by, made up words from Ro)

Sleep well friends.

Stale Cheetos and Wine

Last night I consumed too much wine. So much for living moderately. My sister and I had some deep conversation seasoned with lunacy. By 12:00 I was in that what can I find to eat after drinking too much mode and promptly found some honey buffalo peanuts, a leftover bag of stale jalapeño Cheetos, and chased them with a German chocolate brownie thing that I had eyed nervously the past three days.

Insert look of disgust here.

Needless to say I didn’t get my bike ride in this morning. Bleh. I’m mad at myself about that. I’m really frustrated, but I know that I’m not perfect and today is a new day. Riding is up for debate considering it takes me a couple of hours and I’m not sure about asking my sister and her family to watch the kids while I go ride for two stinking hours. The reason I had it planned for 0600.

BAH. Live and learn. I do know this, there will be no wine consumed tonight! I’m not really hung over, so to speak. I feel pretty good and I can honestly say I didn’t have a whole bottle of wine, maybe fourish glasses, that’s two, too many if you plan to get up and ride in a strange town the next day. If I don’t ride today I will be up and riding at 0600 tomorrow morning. The smell of my teen nephews socks alone was enough to cure any would be hangover, they’re like organic smelling salts. Maybe smelling salts are organic but either way, wow. I sat down next to them on the couch this morning and immediately knew something was rotten in Denmark. I located the culprit laying on the floor in an inconspicuous mass of noxious gas.  They are currently being stored in an airtight container on the floor of the laundry room.

Gotta run, I’m taking the kids to Sun and Fun today and I should probably feed them first. Have a good day.

Oklahoma where the wind comes sweepin’ down the plain!

I am in Oklahoma this week, decided to hang out here after coming down Sunday night to watch my sister and my Dad go skydiving Monday. It was always her dream to go with him and for his sixtieth birthday she made it happen. I was really proud of both of them, and they had a great time.

When I decided to come here I had mixed emotions. Taking any kind of trip away from home makes me a little nervous these days. I have a routine at home, my job is to eat right, exercise, take care of the kids, and hopefully get a few loads of laundry done and cook a few meals. Leaving that umbrella of security I worry that I won’t be able to stay on plan. Luckily, my sister is doing Body by Vi so she’s also in the zone which is extremely helpful to me. I also know that this is good practice for me, life will always go on, and vacations and getaways can’t always be an excuse to go off on a self-depreciating food binge…doesn’t make sense anymore.

Why it ever made sense is a conundrum. The worst part of food addiction is that it’s unrelenting. The biblical terms that come to mind are, “a continual lust for more.” Ephesians 4:19
That’s one of the reasons I don’t want to even dip my foot in the waters of chips and chocolate, I know that kind of food does not nourish. I am still very much aware that I am not out of the water, I am going to have to keep sharp, eyes open, head in the game.

My goal is threefold and I have made it to the first milestone. I weigh about two hundred and nineteen pounds. I weighed two hundred and fifty-eight pounds this time last year. That’s almost forty pounds, and I am very proud of how far I’ve come. I would like to lose sixty more, I have two goal dates, August and November, I am running a 5k in July and I am biking regularly. I am excited and scared at the same time, but I am taking it one day at a time.

Since I’ve been here I’ve ran, and I’ve cycled. I set out and biked seventeen miles of uncharted Ponca City terrain Monday, it was awesome, I can’t wait to do it again tomorrow. I rode the new Dolce Compact Sport and it was so much better than the hybrid. I rode past some amazing homes, they had to be at least a half a million dollars, but remember this is Oklahoma, and you better believe there was a pick-up truck parked at every one of them, cracked me up.

So the rest of this week has lots of fun in the sun in store, movie nights with my sis, a glass or three of wine, and lots of reflection. There are no piles of laundry taunting me, no floors that need mopping and no weeds staring up at me begging to be pulled, well at least not any that are on my property, haha, my sister does’t read this.

Have a great week everyone, get out there and sweat a little, eat a few veggies, and start loving yourself, you deserve it.

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First Group Ride

Bike ride synopsis:

  • What the hell was I thinking?
  • There were thirty or more people on the ride and I didn’t see one hybrid.
  • The owner of The Wheel Cyclery kicks ass, she stayed with me almost all of the time.
  • I was at the back of the pack the entire ride.
  • Did I mention the hills? 
  • Felt like a total NEWB.
  • Projectile Vomiting when I came home due to; not eating enough earlier, running earlier in the day, and it was hard as hill. 
  •  CAN’T WAIT TO DO IT AGAIN…with my road bike which will be ready this week:)

Twenty-two miles in all, it was tough but I really want to do this again and get good at it. I really cannot wait to get my road bike and see how different it feels. The owner of the shop was awesome, she was so welcoming and encouraging. Every time we did some gruesome hill she would say, “That’s the last big one of the day!” I think she did this so I wouldn’t quit, I stopped believing her towards the end.  I am sure they were easy for her, she rides to and from work every day, and then is a group leader on these community rides. I kind of wish I had bought my bike at her shop, but the guys from Epic were totally cool. I think I will check her out though for my shoes and pedals. Being clipped in seemed to help many of the riders push harder. 

Oh yeah, I weighed this morning and I am down two more lbs. I need to post some before and after pics on here, I will try to get to that this week. I remember posting on here about being almost one hundred pounds overweight. It’s feels really good to not be there anymore. I would like to lose sixty more, I am enjoying this new lifestyle, I love eating to live and not stuffing my emotions. I love sweating. I love that I can fit everything in my closet, no more skinny clothes that I look at with regret. I love that I just realized that lots of them don’t fit, they are TOO big! Kick ass. 

Have a wonderful day. 

I am Stuck on Band-Aids…

Good morning! Today I will find my mojo, it’s amazing how a little getaway and slacking on nutrition can set you back. I didn’t gain a bunch of weight but I haven’t lost any more. After my bike accident last Wednesday night I was disheartened. I had planned to ride about sixteen miles and only made it about ten and a half, I had to call hubs because my knee was numb and I was bleeding a lot. It didn’t really start hurting until about thirty minutes later, and then it was incredibly painful. I am not sure if you can tell from the picture but the most damage was right below my knee, really gouged out, and cleaning the dirt and gravel out of it was…exciting in a very macabre way. I must admit I am actually kinda proud of it. Not the injury itself, per say, but that I didn’t let it stop me. I ran on it the next day, and today I will ride my bike again, assuming it still works, the bike not my knee. I haven’t really inventoried the damage so I might be sorely disappointed tonight, pun intended.

Tonight is my first ride with a group. I am meeting up with a group at The Wheel Cyclery in Gladstone to ride an 18-22 mile relaxed ride to the downtown airport. I have purchased a new Specialized Road bike, it will be ready sometime later this week. They had to order it for me, check it out——————>

It’s a Dolce Sport compact. I am really excited about it. We ordered it from Epic Bike and Sport in Kansas City, Mo. The guys there are awesome and very helpful, glad I talked to my friend Mendy from Fit by Burn for recommendations. Speaking of Mendy Shriver, she opened her new studio for Fit by Burn in Liberty recently, they had an open house on Saturday. You should check out her link if you live near Liberty, if anyone can light a candle under yo a$$, it’s her.

As for my ride tonight, I am pretty nervous. Here’s why:

  1. My bike and the hope that it works.
  2. My knee.
  3. Being a total Newb.
  4. If you happen to be a newb, don’t read this—> How To Dress PRO

Reading that article was somewhat daunting. I cannot compare myself to these people who are avid and experienced. I can’t for the life of me figure out why I do that to myself. I think lots of people do that to themselves, ok maybe not my husband, I can actually hear him lecturing me now about comparing myself to these pro’s. Stephan, if you are reading this, consider it done. I have the lecture on my hard drive. Thanks. 

I guess that’s what the day has in store for me. I will leave you with some great uplifting music to work out to. If you like Rap but are not into bi#c%e$, hoe’s, money, and drugs, Lecrae fits the bill. He has a brand new mix tape out, called Church Clothes that’s pretty good. Down load it here, FREE. Have a Blessed Day!

Food Toxicity

The morning is calling me. Every day I get up earlier and earlier to exercise and watch the sunrise. After being locked in my basement for two plus months with Shaun T and Insanity, working out in nature feels like…heaven. It’s one amazing high for me.

I started the couch to 5k Monday, it’s hard for me to go at that pace after Insanity, I feel like I could push myself more, but I’m choosing to trust the process and let my body adapt which is a big step for me. On my off days I am riding my bicycle, yesterday I rode fourteen miles in the country, it was amazing. I never realized how much I love being outdoors in nature.

I’ve blogged in the past about the voice in my head, the negative, pessimistic, self-defeating voice that I’ve worked hard to overcome. I reaffirm myself each time a negative thought or cynical attitude creeps in, I read positive literature, I search for others success stories, I work at changing that voice. The other day while riding my bike up a hill and pushing myself as hard as I could I heard another voice, had a new thought, however you describe it here is what it said, Don’t ever stop, keep going, you can do this. I knew it wasn’t just about that hill, it was about everything, this journey, this life, this pursuit of health and peace.

I have also posted before about having difficulty accepting the loss of foods major role in my life, the comforter. Being unable to run to the nearest baked good  has admittedly been anxiety provoking, but I can say with one hundred percent certainty that its pull is lessening in my life. I can imagine a happy, peaceful existence without living for the next bite. I’ve made it almost ten weeks this way and honestly, life feels clearer, more in focus than it ever has before. I am not on a diet, I loathe the word.

This goal for me has been three-fold, physical, spiritual, and scientific.

  1. Physical because I need to move, I need to sweat to get myself feeling again. I’ve numbed up so much that the exercise is life-giving at this point, let alone  the health benefits. I aim for an 80/20 eating style. Eighty percent of the time chose healthy foods to keep the body functioning. Healthy foods like greek yogurt, protein from organic meats and dairy, vegetables, and fruit. I try to drink shakeology for one meal because it is so good for me. I ingest less carbohydrates in the latter part of the day and try to go to bed wanting a little something, very difficult for someone who put the kids to bed and had ice cream every night, as a rule. I am still working on making breakfast the bigger meal and decreasing as I go.
  2. Spiritual because one does not get to being one hundred pounds overweight without acknowledging there is something deeper at going on. I did not get there by simply making a few bad food choices, I got there because of self-abuse, self-loathing, and food dependance. I had a severe case of food toxicity. I write to explore theses issues, I see a therapist to help me process anxiety and find it’s root, I pray to seek guidance on the journey and I reaffirm myself for encouragement. Surrounding yourself with positive people doesn’t hurt either. I believe that to lose weight and battle food toxicity, one must look deeper while seeking betterment. Without that process, the weight will most certainly come back, something I simply can’t allow to happen.
  3. The Scientific really goes along with physical but it’s part of the equation I am choosing to separate. Simple science makes it easy to shed pounds, if you work the process. And one cannot work the process unless there is determination, drive, and courage. Much of this in my life comes from number two. The process, calories in vs calories burned, glycemic index and blood sugar levels, hunger and fullness. The basic principal of hunger and fullness alone are enough to shed some weight. But finding the place where your body is hungry and cessation of eating with satiety are quite the extreme art for someone who has used food as a drug for most of their lives. Anyone can maintain a healthy weight by simply eating by the bodies cues of hunger and fullness, no matter how healthy the food is. Which is why you have people like my sister in law who will be a size three into her old age because she only eats by this rule, and she eats whatever she wants. Not a reason to stop choosing healthier options, just an observation. I will point out though that you can find her snaking on healthy foods as often as you see her having a cookie, because she lets her body be her guide and enjoys all foods.

I’ve had so many thoughts I’ve wanted to share but this has been an extremely busy week and I didn’t get to update as much as I wanted. I am going to have to update a bit more from my phone. My husband and I are leaving for Atlanta on Thursday morning for my best friends wedding, *goal box numero uno to the right. So where am I at on the goal you you ask? This morning I am two hundred twenty two pounds. Two pounds from the goal. We will be eating eat as soon as we get there and the celebration continues until Sunday morning at a Mother’s Day Brunch at the hotel we will be staying at, needless to say, continued loss may be difficult. I am determined to make the goal though, so we will see.

I’ll leave you with a bit of encouragement from a former paratrooper in the gulf war. Thanks for all of you who read this, and feel free to comment. Godspeed.

CLICK HERE FOR REDICUlLOUS INSPIRATION—-> Never, Ever Give Up.