One of these things is not like the other…

Quick update before I go to bed. Kids got out for summer this week, that’s been fun so far. I have had a serious case of the blah’s this week. Trying to stay on path and keep strong but for some reason I’ve been in a funk. Lots going on in my family now. I have a bit on my mind, one of my children is going through a lot and I’m thinking of her often. Still waiting for my bike…which has me kind of antsy, and sassy, and snarky.

I just decided to become a beach body coach. Sounds a little suspect right? I am about 220 lb and don’t look like your average beachbody coach. But in my defense I have to point out a few things:

  1. Last year at this time I weighed 258 lb, more than I have ever weighed, ever.
  2.  I’ve worked hard since Feb 28 to set goals and attain them.
  3. I’m educating myself about what is healthy food and what isn’t.
  4. I’m using Shakeology as a supplement and meal replacement system.

People ask me all the time about Shakeology and Insanity. My trainer who got me started on all this talked to me about becoming a distributor and persuaded me. Why not tell people and possibly make a little money for my own shakes in the future. Lots of people are going to buy it anyway, so why not? Now, here is where the rubber meets the road, I can’t stop now. I am taking this accountability thing to the ninth degree, and that’s a good thing. I don’t want to give up, but I will admit I am at a bit of an impasse and I need to get serious again to continue losing. My body is getting comfortable and it’s time to push through. I will probably start P90x when I get back from Oklahoma next week and continue to train for the 5K Glow Run in KC in June.

Ready for my progress thus far?

I can definitely tell a difference, what about you? I can’t wait to post my summer goal pics. I sure hope I make it! I am really excited and proud of myself for doing the thing I always thought was impossible. I know that I deserve it now, that’s the difference. I also know that if others can do it, so can I!

Goodnight.

Twentyfour down and six to go…

6 lb. from my goal. I’m running after this like Flo Jo…ok well maybe not that fast but I’m working hard. I have exactly eleven days to get there. Two of those days I will actually be in Atlanta hanging out and dining out so I should really shoot for next Thursday morning which will be a stretch.

I am watching my carbs big time after lunch and having nothing to eat after dinner. Once I hit this first goal I will relax a little and get back into a normal groove.

I decided to bail on Insanity. Ok, that’s not completely true. I did the full two months with Shaun T and had some left over workouts from days that I worked. It’s complicated how my mind works but here goes. The program is 6 days a week, but I work twelve-hour shifts every Saturday and Sunday so I don’t work out those days. So I told myself I was going to do every single day and not skip. Which would have made the program about a week and a half longer. So being that I started it Feb 28 and that my body is hurting like a mutha I decided to opt for a lower impact exercise for a while.

Today I rode twelve miles on my bike. I still hurt. Lots of hills. Great music. Wonderful six am ride. LOVE.

Check out the incredible Carne Asada salad I made tonight.

  • Field Greens
  • Spinach
  • Green Onion
  • Shredded Carrots
  • Cilantro
  • Red, Green, and Yellow Peppers
  • Avocado
  • Seasoned steak meat
  • Fat Free Lime Basil Vinaigrette
  • A serving of Chili Lime Tortilla Strips

A grand total of 353 Calories. Have a blessed night. And remember to treat yourself to that extra helping of grace, instead of the snacks. We ladies deserve to say pass on the crap, because we’ve self-abused long enough.

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Goal Update

Good morning! So, with the somber tone of my last post I just want to update and let my friends know that I’m much better now. While I really miss my daughter, I woke up last Thursday morning overwhelmed with peace about our decision to ask her to leave. It was an emotionally draining week but I cast my cares upon him, and he cared for me 1 Peter 5:7. I haven’t spoken to her since she left, I have no idea where she is, but I am excited for her and hopeful that her confidence will begin to soar as she learns to fly on her own. Please keep her in your prayers.

Now, goal update. I’m twenty pounds down, have ten to go to hit my May 12th goal of thirty pounds. I have eighteen days to do this. Ten pounds in eighteen days, hrm, sketchy. So here’s what I’m thinking.

1) I may have to be satisfied with coming within five pounds of my goal.

2) I took a hard look at my calorie log and asked myself what I could change.

Carbs. They need to decrease. I cheat here and there and haven’t been adding my coffee creamer to my daily fitness pal. I also haven’t been drinking my water like I should. I have some weapons I can definitely pull out of the arsenal to help me achieve my goal. I would really, really like to get on this and come as close as possible.

The lower carb strategy may come in really handy especially since I am having a real struggle with the insanity workouts. I’m still going strong but it hurts. Everywhere I look there are recommendations not to do insanity unless you are already in great shape and not overweight. Well I decided to do it anyway and I can feel it in my hips and knees. This second month is a killer. I’m really trying to modify the movements and still get a workout but some of the moves are just comical. In other words, I watch and am like, oh hell naw. If I have to change my workout for a bit the low carb diet will help but I really don’t want to quit. I want to finish. I have approximately three weeks left and I want to finish! I need to finish, for my own mental health. I think the sense of accomplishment will really send me strong into my next goal period.

Ok, any words of wisdom are welcome! Have a wonderful day. And if you are using My Fitness Pal please add me as friend! My username is rolandap.

The Ensemble to End All Ensembles

In second grade I have this distinct memory of wanting to be fit. We lived at the back of a trailer park right by the Rio Grande river in Albuquerque, New Mexico. I lived with my mother, I was an only child, and had quite the active imagination, that helped pass the time. I was also very fat. Not freakishly fat, mind you, but just enough to make it the bane of my 7-year-old existence.  Besides being nicknamed Rolaids, being fat was not fun in elementary school. But here’s where the good laugh comes in and every time I recall this memory I smile.

I remember seeing healthy people running, walking, exercising, mostly on television. I watched a lot of television, even back then when we only had…say five channels on a good day. So one day, seven-year-old me decided it was time to get fit. I promptly outfitted myself in the appropriate attire for doing so and set out along the gravel trailer park road that lead to Ultimate Physical Fitness.  A stones throw from my front door I hear a roaring belly laugh that I cannot seem to locate. I stopped dead in my tracks and again, heard the laughter. The sixth sense is very a real sense and mine was telling me this laughter was directed at me, and it was probably coming from an open window where my neighbors lived. I couldn’t see the evil from whence it came but I had an uncanny notion, yes, this sinister laugh was  meant for me. You see, I must have been quite the sight, tight black leotard, white chubby legs, some sort of off brand tennis shoe, and to make the ensemble complete,  a large white towel draped around my neck. That was the image and picture of health I knew would help me get into the best shape of my life, but the mocking laughter sent that seven-year-old me right.  Back.  Home.

Sad as this story may seem, it cracks me up but it encourages me at the same time.  Today is Easter, the holiday I celebrate Jesus overcoming death and giving us forgiveness of our sin. I am spending the day with my family where we are at my Dad’s with my brothers and their families.  This afternoon, I decided to grab the Insanity DVD, isolate in the game room and get my workout on, for Jesus.  As I was stretching,  balancing, hopping and sweating I realized, that even at 70-80 lb. overweight, I am incredibly flexible and have great body control and balance. The thought occurred to me, I was made for this.  From a very young age I have had a desire to be active, even as a young awkward seven-year-old girl with very little fashion sense, this is what I wanted.

My workout is over, initially I did it for a piece of carrot cake tonight, but now I don’t even care.  With all the food and candy around all I can think about is keeping my eye on the prize and how a little pleasure isn’t worth the distraction.  Let me be clear, this is not a declaration of cake abstinence tonight, by no means, I’m just thought-vomiting into the blogosphere.  The cake situation remains to be seen, but for now, I think I’ll head out to Wal-Mart and grab some veggies and put my Grandmother’s juicer to good use.  I’m going to teach her how to make a mean-green taste like a treat.

Have a blessed Easter.

Excited to be Obese

Well here goes. I weighed in this morning, lost roughly 12 lb. since February 28. I say roughly because when you hop on and off the scale the way I do, leaning one way, then another, weight on your toes, then on your heels, feet to the outside, then more to the middle, it’s a dance that I do on weigh in morning and I got a difference of 2 lb. between them all, so I’m taking the average. I have done Insanity Mon-Fri, religiously, tracked my calories, and had shakes to replace one meal…most days. I am one month into this process and I am seeing changes. Not only in my body, which is probably where I am seeing the least changes, but also on the inside.

I keep asking myself, is this something you are really willing to do on an ongoing basis?? The first few weeks trudging down to that basement was a chore, it was a grueling, frustrating, all caps, sharpie written task at the top of my to-do list. Now, it’s beginning to look a little more like the rest of my to-do’s, penciled in but still near the top, just under COFFEE.  That’s a good thing for me, it’s not so much this huge change, this exception from the norm, it’s more EDL. (Every Day Life) It’s like a part of the process, getting my day done, I say to myself, Time to go sweat a little lot, and then on to what’s next. So…in that way, I’ve changed. I think, I can actually make exercise a part of my life, maybe not Insanity, forever…but real movement, real exercise. If I were honest, I would love to run. I’m 38, running is probably not the sport a morbidly obese severely obese thirty-something should start, but I feel like I have a few good years left in me, I could probably run out a few of them. I would LOVE to train for this in late October, Zombie Survival Dash.(Nodding head like ahhhh-yeaaahh) 

About other changes. Anxiety. I am seeing someone. Not like seeing seeing but seeing a therapist. Wow, that’s sounds intriguing and this little voice inside my head says with a raised eyebrow and devilish grin, Tell me about it.  Okay, I will, here’s the scoop. One day I was talking to a friend of mine that I love dearly, she’s been a friend since my college days and she sees a therapist and is always talking about what they talk about. So one day I’m like: Hey! Why don’t I have a therapist?! So, I go out and get one, that’s what I do. I figure I might as well do it when I am trying to better myself, trying to let go of this ridiculous obsession with chips and chocolate. I’ve been on this path before, I’ve started this whole go me movement, and I always bail, always quit, this time, it has to be different, it has to stick. So, I did what any self-respecting woman would do, I got a therapist.

Let’s talk about her. Monday I drove up to the office like a bat out of hell, no kidding. I was late because I squeezed in my workout and left myself with 10 minutes to shower and drive 3 miles away, didn’t work out so well. I leapt out of my mini-van I swore I’d never drive and bounced up the steps to the office. I knew we’d have great things to discuss, I was on plan, working out, feeling great! I walked into her office, sat down on the comfy couch and right into her big brown, inviting eyes. Her soft relaxing music played and as she asked me how my week was going I could feel them…yep, the tears, welling up like a little 7-year-old girl who lost her puppy dog. I don’t even know why, she just has that effect on me. I went in to lament about my husband, and didn’t end up saying a word about him. It was all about me. I found myself at the end of session wanting to cry out, “WAIT! YOU HAVEN’T HEARD MY COMPLAINTS ABOUT MY HUSBAND YET!!” I didn’t. It was good, we talked anxiety, my past, why I deserve to do this, and how God wants to heal me for the sake of healing me and nothing else. I walked away feeling whole. I’m glad I got a therapist. I bet my husband is too.

It’s weird putting myself first. I feel like I am really trying to make my life and my quest to eat well and exercise first a priority. I make time for it, if I don’t get the whole house vacuumed and dusted but I got my workout in, so be it. No one outside my perimeter will know and those inside, frankly probably don’t care. The only one who puts extreme pressure on me to have an immaculate home is me, and that’s pretty freaking unfair of her. She’s relaxing a bit.

So, on to month two. Really, my next goal date is 6 weeks from now, that’s my best fren’s wedding, and yes I did spell friend, fren, because that’s the way I like to say it. I really would like to feel comfortable in my own skin and I feel like losing 30 lb. would do that for me. It would enable me to feel empowered and proud of myself when I go back to the ATL. I’ll still be 60 lb. away from goal, and 30 lbs away from being morbidly obese. STOP THE PRESS!!! I just looked up the weight charts for obesity and it seems I have some rather interesting news (there’s that raised eyebrow and devilish grin me again saying do tell!) I’VE NEVER BEEN MORBIDLY OBESE!  (Dripping with red-neck twang) Well…hot damn if this ain’t a reason to celebrate! I’ve only been severely obese ladies and gents, that’s nothing to “Step right up for!” I couldn’t have even been a money-maker in a side-show and that’s something to be right proud of! Seems they added the severely obese cater-gory and I never knew it… (end red-neck twang)

If I lose the additional 18 lb. by May 12, I’ll simply be…Obese. Hallelujah, I can work with that, and who ever thought I would be excited to be “Obese.” Have a blessed day.

Team Peterson

Soooo frustrated. I lost about 3 lb. on Wednesday for a total of 8 lb. in two weeks. Seems pretty good, right? Wrong. I am stirred up about it, can’t get my mind off it. Weighed again this morning and I was UP 1 lb. What the what?!?! To top it off, I have been going to bed hungry, working out like crazy, and working this plan hardcore. I need to get off the hamster wheel and let it go. The results will come and me obsessing isn’t going to fix anything. Sigh.

So I had a waffle, with peanut butter, banana, some syrup, and one pice of bacon for breakfast. Hmph. Calories barely over 400, fruit and protein, but the sugar in the syrup I could have done without. I was sharing my breakfast with hubs this morning and my frustration with the scale and he sent me the sweetest text. So I saved it, and now I’m gonna share it:

That made my morning. Why? Because it helped me to see that even though the scale isn’t moving as fast as I’d like, and I know 8 lb. in two weeks is great, we live in a biggest loser world with the biggest loser mentality, we want it all and we want it fast,  other things are happening. I’m teaching my kids a better way to eat, my husband is encouraged, and it’s bringing us all a little closer. Like Team Peterson. The thought of that brings a smile to my face.

Now that I have that out in the open, I can gear up for another crazy morning with my new best fren, Shaun T:

 Yesterday I think I sweat so much I lost a cheeseburger. I really, really enjoy these workouts. He’s very motivating, it’s fast paced, and seems to go pretty quickly. I feel stronger already and can’t believe I have been doing this about 2 1/2 weeks now, not missing a single day during the week. It’s a good thing.

Ok, so that’s my update. Tell me what’s going on in your life! What tactics do you use when fighting temptation? What’s your favorite healthy food and how do you STAY OFF THE SCALE??

Have a great weekend!