Excuse me ma’am, there are ruffles in your hair.

So Friday was a great day. I had an awesome time on the unexpected date day with hubs. We went out for lunch and then he took me home so I could nap while he went to the store. Seriously, dream date. Especially because I ate really good at Olive Garden, I mean I threw down. Grubbed. Salad, two and a half bread sticks, a bowel of zuppa toscana, and the shrimp appetizer. Oh, and the alfredo dipping sauce for the bread. I worked out that morning and vowed to eat better that  night. Well sadly, that didn’t happen. We ended up at Price Chopper and the kids wanted fried chicken and mashed potatoes for couch supper and movie night, and yours truly was obliged to partake in the festivites. I didn’t eat an entire breast, but I added some other not so good for me foods, that you’ll only be privy to if your my fitness pal fren.

Saturday morning I decided that punishment was in the air, I drank Shakeology for each meal, save the time I walked into the break room ravenous and someone had left an open huge bag of Ruffles and ranch dip there for anyone to eat. Three minutes later my charge nurse had to call for restraints. It wasn’t that bad but I mentally heard healthy me say, “STEP AWAY FROM THE CHIPS!” So I did, but I counted two servings in my fitness pal for good measure. Overall, it was a good day, I was under my calorie goal and woke up nice and hungry with no regrets, I love waking up that way.

Now, let’s talk about Insanity. I have two weeks left, two weeks before the wedding, two weeks before my goal. I’m going to push it. I have about eight pounds to lose, I don’t care if I don’t get to goal as long as I am full steam ahead in trying. I am still a little worried about it, I still hurt in my left hip flexor and down my left leg. I think it might be my sciatic nerve so I may schedule a massage this week and maybe even a chiropractor appointment or two. I have to make this first goal, or at least get very close.

I got off work a few minutes early last night, so on my way home I decided to go on a mini driving iphone shoot. It was fun. It’s amazing how much art you find in everyday life if you just open your eyes and look for it. Here are a few of my shots.

Goal Update

Good morning! So, with the somber tone of my last post I just want to update and let my friends know that I’m much better now. While I really miss my daughter, I woke up last Thursday morning overwhelmed with peace about our decision to ask her to leave. It was an emotionally draining week but I cast my cares upon him, and he cared for me 1 Peter 5:7. I haven’t spoken to her since she left, I have no idea where she is, but I am excited for her and hopeful that her confidence will begin to soar as she learns to fly on her own. Please keep her in your prayers.

Now, goal update. I’m twenty pounds down, have ten to go to hit my May 12th goal of thirty pounds. I have eighteen days to do this. Ten pounds in eighteen days, hrm, sketchy. So here’s what I’m thinking.

1) I may have to be satisfied with coming within five pounds of my goal.

2) I took a hard look at my calorie log and asked myself what I could change.

Carbs. They need to decrease. I cheat here and there and haven’t been adding my coffee creamer to my daily fitness pal. I also haven’t been drinking my water like I should. I have some weapons I can definitely pull out of the arsenal to help me achieve my goal. I would really, really like to get on this and come as close as possible.

The lower carb strategy may come in really handy especially since I am having a real struggle with the insanity workouts. I’m still going strong but it hurts. Everywhere I look there are recommendations not to do insanity unless you are already in great shape and not overweight. Well I decided to do it anyway and I can feel it in my hips and knees. This second month is a killer. I’m really trying to modify the movements and still get a workout but some of the moves are just comical. In other words, I watch and am like, oh hell naw. If I have to change my workout for a bit the low carb diet will help but I really don’t want to quit. I want to finish. I have approximately three weeks left and I want to finish! I need to finish, for my own mental health. I think the sense of accomplishment will really send me strong into my next goal period.

Ok, any words of wisdom are welcome! Have a wonderful day. And if you are using My Fitness Pal please add me as friend! My username is rolandap.

The Epitome of Randomness

Ooooo-K. So I really like this blogging thing and find myself thinking about things I want to write about all the time. I just wish I had a little more dedicated time to do just that. But alas, there are only 24 hours in a day and I find myself squeezing in a little keyboard time, usually at the end of it. Even now as I listen to the sound of my husbands humming sonicare and then the toilet flushing, and so as not to gross you out, the final hand-washing, I am being waited for. We have a movie to watch but I gotta throw some words into the “internets.” I will throw them softly even though usually I want to launch them with the proverbial trebuchet.

There’s a lot going on in the news which bothers me. This whole Trayvon Martin incident and the fact that skittles are the new gang sign should have most of us wanting to have long, drawn out sit-downs with our boys. It’s a cruel world out there, and while I don’t profess to know all the details I will say, “I smell a rat.” Tonight a friend posted something on her Facebook that went like this:

-“i don’t watch the news…those stories keep me up at night–injustice rubs my soul raw. when i heard about treyvon martin’s death it brought me to my feet and left me with no where to go…but i’m afraid for my soul if i change nothing but my fb status update… {Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. — Martin Luther King Jr.}”

I thought that was very apropos, I’ve posted some stuff on my Facebook about it, so what next? I’ve read a lot of articles about it, I’m sad for his family. That’s all I have to say about it for now…sometimes, I just wished things were different, and I know I want to do my part to make this world a better place. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference- An exerpt from the serenity prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr.

So about changes, let me tell you wazz up with me. I am here, I am alive and I am feeling more since eating less. Is that what it boils down to? Is emotional stuffing eating all about forgetting circumstances? Is it a way to escape pain? Is food the socially acceptable crack, passed around in bible studies and block parties, peddled in gargantuan portions at American restaurants on any given evening? Are we numbing our nerves and calming our minds as we blindly eat upwards of 2,000 calories a meal?

If so, it’s a shame. A shame that a neighboring community has to enroll children in the back snack program for the weekends because momma can’t work it out enough to feed the hungry mouths she’s brought into this world. Or maybe that momma has chosen a different vice other than food, maybe she actually uses crack and that’s where the money goes, along with her dignity. How does it make you feel when you see a mother, a strung out crack addicted mother that is not caring for her children because of her preoccupation with her own addiction? Now contrast that with a mother in a grocery store or fast food restaurant that is clearly morbidly obese, and seemingly on a mission to coin a more intense description of her size? I can tell you that if she is in her pain and using food to soothe her aching soul, the children from both families are probably suffering parallel emotional distress. Back to my original point, one community has trouble feeding the family, the next can’t see the back of the pantry for all the food.

All that being said. I don’t know where the hell I’m going with this post. HA! I just sat here and started writing so if you’re reading this I sincerely hope you didn’t have any pre-conceived notions about the enlightenment you were about to be afforded. Maybe I just vomited into the internets instead of gracefully lobbing my words at you. Ah well, there’s always next time.

I am still on the wagon. Eating well for hunger, not for other reasons. I am learning how to have a new relationship with food. It’s there to nourish me and so I make better decisions, except that I am a recovering chip addict and right now the salty crunch in a Funyun has me rethinking my game. It’s the lowest calorie chip I can find and if I can fit that 180 cals into my daily grind an still work this plan I think I will die happy. It’s yet to be determined and if my trainer reads this there will be hell to pay. Otherwise, all’s well in the land of my fitness pal. Still grinding away at the Insanity, I’ve completed 3.5 weeks and I love the feeling of sweat running down the back of my neck. I’ve come to terms with the messy bun high on the back of my head every day after my shower, in fact, I’ve developed quite an affinity for the look.

Hubs is yawning, it’s his way of saying push play or I’m signing off…gotta go…to bed hungry, and that’s…ok.